FLANIMALS (Don't Call Them Roadkill) words and music © 2002 by Paul Estin Original version: 2001-Dec-29 Latest version: 2003-Jun-23 Chords shown are in G; I sing it in in Bb (capo 3). G D7 G D7 One NIGHT, while DRIving IN his CAR, C D7 G - A MAN named MORT hit a DEER. G D7 G Em At FIRST he WAS so VERY upSET D7 - G But a FRIEND took Mort OUT for a BEER (and he said:) C - Em - "The PROBlem IS, you're THINKING of DEATH." D7 - G - That's WHAT that good FRIEND said to MORT. C - Em - "Think OF them inSTEAD as FLAT animALS, A7 - D7 - And CALL them FLANIMALS for SHORT!" [Chorus:] C - Em - Oh, DON'T go CALLing them ROADkill; D7 - G - WORDS like that WILL make you BLUE. C - G Em SOME beasts just HAPpen to LACK any DEPTH; D7 - G - They're FLANIMALS to ME and to YOU. G D7 G D7 Well, AFter that TALK, Mort FELT so much BETter C D7 G - The NEW phrasing SOON became HABit. G D7 G Em So MORT didn't FRET much aBOUT that poor FLIRREL, D7 - G - Or Even when HE made a FLABBIT! C - Em - And whenEVer he'd DRIVE and run Over a FLEER, D7 - G - He'd TAKE the adVICE of his TRAINer C - Em - Mort would SHRUG, and drive ON, past anOTHer floPOSSum, A7 - D7 - Saying, "I merely MADE it co-PLANar!" [Chorus] G D7 G D7 InDEED, Mort HAD no more WORry nor GUILT C D7 G - When HE'D make a BEAST two-diMENsional. G D7 G Em But AFter some TIME, a new PROBlem beGAN, D7 - G - Mort's ACcidents beCAME more... inTENtional! Am - Em - SOON Mort was PANcaking CRITters on PURpose; D7 - G - He was RUNning them Over all SUMmer. C - Em - In FACT, in ORder to FLATten more BEASTS, A7 - D7 - Mort PURchased the WORLD'S largest HUMmer! [Chorus] G D7 G D7 Soon Mort would take trips north to Canada; C D7 G - By then, he really had a screw loose. G D7 G Em Mort flattened ev'ry Canadian icon D7 - G - Into fleaver... and floon... even floose! C - Em - He next drove to South America (+) D7 - G - And down there he caused lots of trauma C - Em - Mort turned each of the beasts that he found into A7 - D7 - Flanaconda... flaiman... and fllama! [Chorus] G D7 G D7 Mort started to fly to far parts of the world C D7 G - In Nepal, beasts with hooves did attack G D7 G Em But they were no match for his Range Rover D7 - G - And Mort... well, he got some flak! [a little faster] C - Em - Next, Mort flew to Australia D7 - G - To make flangaroos, flombats, floala; C - Em - And then, Mort went on to Africa A7 - D7 - To impale a few impala! [faster, no chorus] C - Em - Mort went wild flattening beasts there; D7 - G - This would be the rec...ord-beater! C - Em - With flaboons, and flions, and flildebeasts, A7 - D7 - Flostrich, flyenas, and fleetah! [very slow] Am - Em - But in Africa, Mort took his last drive Dm - Em - On one day, Mort just went too far Am - - - Em He took on a rhino... an elephant... and a hippo... all at once! A7 - D7 - And was crushed to death in his... flar! (Poor Flort!) [Final chorus:] C - Em - Oh, don't go calling HIM roadkill; D7 - G - Words like that will make you blue. C - G Em Some GUYS just happen to lack any depth; D7 - G - They're flanimals to me and to you! FLANIMALS - melody and harmony (in Bb) Chords used: G +capo3 = Bb = Bb D F (I) A7+capo3 = C7 = C E G Bb C +capo3 = Eb = Eb G Bb (IV) D7+capo3 = F7 = F A C Eb (V) Em+capo3 = Gm = G Bb D VERSE part 1: G D7 G D7 <- chords played w/ capo3 Bb F7 Bb F7 <- actual chords vF Bb Bb C D F D C <- melody One NIGHT, while DRIving IN his CAR, <- lyrics C D7 G - Eb F7 Bb - D Eb Eb Eb D C D A MAN named MORT hit a DEER. G D7 G Em Bb F7 Bb Gm vF Bb Bb C D F F G D At FIRST he WAS so VERY upSET D7 D7 G - F7 F7 Bb - Bb BbC C D Eb D C Bb But a FRIEND took Mort OUT for a BEER (and he said:) VERSE part 2: C C Em Em Eb Eb Gm Gm F G Eb Eb G F D D D "The PROBlem IS, you're THINKING of DEATH." D7 D7 G - F7 F7 Bb - D C C D Eb D C D That's WHAT that good FRIEND said to MORT. C C Em Em Eb Eb Gm Gm G G Eb EbEb G F G F D "Think OF them inSTEAD as FLAT animALS, A7 A7 D7 - C7 C7 F7 - F G G G G F E F And CALL them FLANIMALS for SHORT!" CHORUS: C C Em - <- chords played w/ capo3 Eb Eb Gm - <- actual chords Eb G Eb Eb F G F D <- melody G ^Bb ^F ^Eb ^F ^Eb ^D ^Bb <- harmony Oh, DON'T go CALLing them ROADkill; <- lyrics D7 D7 G - F7 F7 Bb - C C D Eb D C D ^A ^A ^Bb ^C ^Bb ^A ^Bb WORDS like that WILL make you BLUE. C C G Em Eb Eb Bb Gm G Eb Eb Eb F G F G F D ^Bb G G ^Eb^D ^C ^D ^Eb^F^G SOME beasts just HAPpen to LACK any DEPTH; D7 D7 G - F7 F7 Bb - Bb C C C D Eb D C Bb ^Bb ^A ^A^A ^Bb^C ^Bb ^A ^Bb They're FLANIMALS to ME and to YOU.